Last year at this time I decided to be fearless–
and do something that I had wanted to do,
for a very long time.
I learned that deciding to be fearless,
does not mean conquering fear.
It means to go ahead despite fear.
Deciding to be fearless, actually increased my fear.
It was like a challenge to my fear–
and my fear didn’t want to back down.
Somehow though I persevered.
Fear was not going to stop me.
Anxiety attacks would grab hold of me and I would
breathe through them or pant and wheeze desperately,
as the case demanded. I used anything and everything
to stick to the program and not give up–
or avoid or delay or make excuses or change my mind.
My inner demon keeper kept sending me all manner
of dire warnings, and predictions of doom and disaster–
but I kept going. I fought my fears.
I used Buddhist chanting. I recited affirmations.
I prayed. I meditated.
I took up EFT and tapped myself calm.
I even used a Youtube Hypnosis video– by The Whispering Hypnotist.
Are you familiar with the Whispering Hypnotist?
I found him when I was surfing the internet in the the middle
of one terrible sleepless night.
The whispering hypnotist made me sleep.
I think looking back, his video didn’t so much,
calm my fears as scare the shit out them.
He was much scarier than they were.
Point is–I got through it all.
Because I was more scared of not doing
what I had always wanted to do–
than doing it.
Now I am looking at a new goal and getting ready
to be fearless again. I did it the first time
so I know I can do it again–face the fear I mean.
It’s just fear. And fear is just a yucky feeling.
Fear can be transformed to courage–
It can. It really can–
but only when you face it.
If I can face it you can.
I am a girl with a few issues so I mean this.
Here’s my goal.
I plan to do a marathon writing month in April.
I want to complete ninety pages. I want to go past the dead zone–
where the ideas suck– and the point is lost– and the characters
are weak– and the language is trite– and the story is boring-
and the idea is derivative. I want to penetrate the murk of
my own mind where the ooze of mental mud threatens to suck me down.
Ok–sorry– I know– you get the point.
But if fear begins to rear it’s ugly head
there is always the Whispering Hypnotist.